Bristol

Happy Easter good chums. Ok, yes, I'm a little late on that one. But honestly, there's too much to catch up on and too little time, so if you're going to make a big deal about the first mistake, I advise you to stop where you are, turn the laptop or phone or whatever device it is off, and go for a long walk and think about what you've done.

When I finished my masters, I replaced all the IR knowledge I had learnt with comic book crap as I started working in a comic book shop and became engulfed in nerd facts, replacing all that impressive political lingo.

Then Japan happened, and naturally everything got replaced by trying to learn that near impossible language. "When is my birthday?" and other similar knowledge was replaced by trying to understand the nuances of kanji stroke order - or whatever it is that Japanese consists of. 

Now I'm back and the limited-space knowledge void of my mind is being replaced and filled once again. I'm learning to code. That's right, I'm embracing my inner nerd once again - I am going into the world of programming, seeking to learn a hard skill so I can feel good about my place in the career world. Yes, it's not a skill that would be useful if there were to be a zombie apocalypse, but I'm sure I would adapt once again. 

For the Easter break, Matt got some time off work. I'm now Funemployed (hooray - back to my place of comfort) - so we went on a road-trip to Bristol and Bath. It was excellent. Photos below.

Outside The White Bear - my favourite student bar in Brizzle

At Za Za Bazaar

We love shuffle board and found a bar to play in Clifton

Sitting on the harbour side, drinking with our parallel universe couple friends and the fireworks go off on a clear night sky.

Outside new museum in Bristol "We The Curious" - excellent concept

Bear Pit

Castle Park

Stokes Croft

Last night I took Matt to the Piccadilly Theatre to see "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time". Can't remember the exact phrasing of the title- but it was excellent.

So far we've been to see: Young Frankenstein (excellent musical), Motown the Musical (very fun), Company (very NY broadway style), "Bat Out Of Hell", (didn't realise until almost the end that it was a musical based on the music from Meatloaf - yes, I'm an idiot) and a 3-part ballet at Saddlers Wells - (we realised that we are not ballet people).

There might have been another, but who can remember these things? The best thing about living in London is all the live performances. It's been pretty special.

What else? Well, I realised that life still goes on beyond Japan, so I should keep documenting things. It's important to reflect.

I went though a difficult re-adjustment phase moving back to the UK, but I'm starting to feel really good again. You'll see. 

Nihon no more

I will admit I left things a bit open there.

Christmas 2018

There was no finale... no explanation. It just sort of faded itself out of existence.

I got busy. I also was studying for N2 at the time, so couldn't justify time spent doing this. It became a burden. It was only meant to be a fun reflection.

Oh boy have things changed. We returned. I won't even go into the amazing trips we did those last few months. I finally got to explore Kyushu. I loved it. Especially Yakushima which was goddam expensive, but absolutely incredible. I've kept snippets of cedar wood from the island. It was the most amazing place I've ever been. We hiked to the most incredible forest canopy I've ever seen. An A-class panoramic portrait won't do it justice. We also saw a sea turtle laying eggs on the beach. That was a weird night. We actually left our suitcases in a locker that we couldn't access in the tourist center, so had to spend the night in our clothes from the hike. It was pretty gross, but was fine in the end so whatever. We had the most Japanese meal over looking an amazing sunset.

Ah - so I told you all about it.

Well, parts.

We moved to London. We are not in Japan. My feelings are so mixed. It's really nice to work in a non-Japanese environment.

I mourn for Japan from time to time. I get caught off-guard, I dream I'm still there and then wake up and my heart feels lost for a moment.

The return has been amazing in ways I didn't foresee or expect and completely disappointing and devastating in others. It's clear this is where we need to be for now. To lay down roots, establish our careers and start the legacy that is team Zescobar.

I can't be here forever, this country lacks things. Things I can't describe. For Matt it's an adventure, it's been better for him than it was for me. I was so worried he'd have a hard time adapting to British life, culture, people, I didn't stop to question the same for myself. Now it's hit me hard and he's doing really well.

It's in our natures. I'm so pessimistic. I really hate that about myself. I am lacking sources and outlets for creativity. I found a job which socially is great, but in other ways I'm not satisfied or excelling. I still have a long journey of figuring out what that thing will be.

If I find it - then maybe I'll be sad that I've lost an important part of myself - the part that's always wondering, never sure, insecure, humble.

I'll continue with what I always do - keep trying and ultimately failing.