Misty

I have found the creeping sense of uncertainty to characterize periods of my life.

Finally now, certain aspects of my world are falling into place. Things feel more solid and sure than they were this time last year, and even more so than they were two years ago.

But I still get waves of emptiness that I cannot ignore, a sense of unfulfillment. I don't know if there will ever be one exact lifestyle that I would feel satisfied with forever. I am flaky, impatient and easily-bored. These are horrible traits, but true of my character. Maybe this lack of satisfaction is a permanent part of who I am.

In weekdays, in routine, I fantasize about the future. I thrive off change and excitement. I get bummed out by feeling stuck in Tokyo. That and reading the news. I worry about the future of our planet. The current political climate is highly disappointing. In humanity, there is so much possibility, innovation and hope, yet the wider system seems to be perpetually broken with unsolvable symptomatic problems.

So maybe I'll find a way to contribute to the greater good. Choose a cause, and become an advocate for positive change. Find a job in government, or in a worthwhile organisation, impact future policy decisions. Or perhaps I should follow my passion? Pursue music, learn to DJ properly, invest time in Tokyo's music scene, become a liaison between artists in London and Tokyo. Or go back to what I studied at university, anthropology, pursue further studies into culture and people, social research, ethnography. Wait a minute, you're wasting time with all this wondering... get back to studying Japanese and being patient. Maintain your hobbies, your hula-hoops tricks are getting rusty and you haven't picked up the ukelele in over a month. Back to square one. Thin yourself out until you're a master of nothing and a could-have-been of all. This is getting really boring.

We are preparing to move back to London. That's where life will start. We're still in the trial and error stage.

On weekends, things are different. I can relax, enjoy Tokyo and Japan. After all, I'm still here somehow.

I carry my bike up these stairs by our house every morning (well, apart from when it rains).

Making it all worthwhile