Bristol

Happy Easter good chums. Ok, yes, I'm a little late on that one. But honestly, there's too much to catch up on and too little time, so if you're going to make a big deal about the first mistake, I advise you to stop where you are, turn the laptop or phone or whatever device it is off, and go for a long walk and think about what you've done.

When I finished my masters, I replaced all the IR knowledge I had learnt with comic book crap as I started working in a comic book shop and became engulfed in nerd facts, replacing all that impressive political lingo.

Then Japan happened, and naturally everything got replaced by trying to learn that near impossible language. "When is my birthday?" and other similar knowledge was replaced by trying to understand the nuances of kanji stroke order - or whatever it is that Japanese consists of. 

Now I'm back and the limited-space knowledge void of my mind is being replaced and filled once again. I'm learning to code. That's right, I'm embracing my inner nerd once again - I am going into the world of programming, seeking to learn a hard skill so I can feel good about my place in the career world. Yes, it's not a skill that would be useful if there were to be a zombie apocalypse, but I'm sure I would adapt once again. 

For the Easter break, Matt got some time off work. I'm now Funemployed (hooray - back to my place of comfort) - so we went on a road-trip to Bristol and Bath. It was excellent. Photos below.

Outside The White Bear - my favourite student bar in Brizzle

At Za Za Bazaar

We love shuffle board and found a bar to play in Clifton

Sitting on the harbour side, drinking with our parallel universe couple friends and the fireworks go off on a clear night sky.

Outside new museum in Bristol "We The Curious" - excellent concept

Bear Pit

Castle Park

Stokes Croft

Last night I took Matt to the Piccadilly Theatre to see "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time". Can't remember the exact phrasing of the title- but it was excellent.

So far we've been to see: Young Frankenstein (excellent musical), Motown the Musical (very fun), Company (very NY broadway style), "Bat Out Of Hell", (didn't realise until almost the end that it was a musical based on the music from Meatloaf - yes, I'm an idiot) and a 3-part ballet at Saddlers Wells - (we realised that we are not ballet people).

There might have been another, but who can remember these things? The best thing about living in London is all the live performances. It's been pretty special.

What else? Well, I realised that life still goes on beyond Japan, so I should keep documenting things. It's important to reflect.

I went though a difficult re-adjustment phase moving back to the UK, but I'm starting to feel really good again. You'll see. 

Nihon no more

I will admit I left things a bit open there.

Christmas 2018

There was no finale... no explanation. It just sort of faded itself out of existence.

I got busy. I also was studying for N2 at the time, so couldn't justify time spent doing this. It became a burden. It was only meant to be a fun reflection.

Oh boy have things changed. We returned. I won't even go into the amazing trips we did those last few months. I finally got to explore Kyushu. I loved it. Especially Yakushima which was goddam expensive, but absolutely incredible. I've kept snippets of cedar wood from the island. It was the most amazing place I've ever been. We hiked to the most incredible forest canopy I've ever seen. An A-class panoramic portrait won't do it justice. We also saw a sea turtle laying eggs on the beach. That was a weird night. We actually left our suitcases in a locker that we couldn't access in the tourist center, so had to spend the night in our clothes from the hike. It was pretty gross, but was fine in the end so whatever. We had the most Japanese meal over looking an amazing sunset.

Ah - so I told you all about it.

Well, parts.

We moved to London. We are not in Japan. My feelings are so mixed. It's really nice to work in a non-Japanese environment.

I mourn for Japan from time to time. I get caught off-guard, I dream I'm still there and then wake up and my heart feels lost for a moment.

The return has been amazing in ways I didn't foresee or expect and completely disappointing and devastating in others. It's clear this is where we need to be for now. To lay down roots, establish our careers and start the legacy that is team Zescobar.

I can't be here forever, this country lacks things. Things I can't describe. For Matt it's an adventure, it's been better for him than it was for me. I was so worried he'd have a hard time adapting to British life, culture, people, I didn't stop to question the same for myself. Now it's hit me hard and he's doing really well.

It's in our natures. I'm so pessimistic. I really hate that about myself. I am lacking sources and outlets for creativity. I found a job which socially is great, but in other ways I'm not satisfied or excelling. I still have a long journey of figuring out what that thing will be.

If I find it - then maybe I'll be sad that I've lost an important part of myself - the part that's always wondering, never sure, insecure, humble.

I'll continue with what I always do - keep trying and ultimately failing.

Alex and Steve do Japan

I will admit I was a little nervous about Alex and Steve's trip to Japan. 

Firstly, Alex's older sister Samantha visited the country a year beforehand and had made a big deal about the amazing time she'd had to Alex. Expectations were high. I needed to deliver. 

And so, based on a combination of Samantha's "must-do" list, and my own recommendations, I created a very detailed (11+ pages) plan. And yes, I did get rather carried away.

In my defense, this was the first time a close friend has come to visit and I had over 4 years of experience and recommendations to get off my chest.

The second source of my nervousness was that despite my long hours of planning, finding accommodation, looking into rooms, prices, logistics, etc. Steve seemed to ignore a lot of what I had written (well, it was an essay) and starting booking some off-piste places that did not fit into the plan. On one occasion I had to call him up and convince him to cancel an airbnb musical cult house he had booked on the coast of Shizuoka the same night I had already booked a ryokan for us at Lake Yamanakako in Yamanashi. "They look close-ish on a map, can't we just stay there the following night". Umm, unless you're happy to travel for 7 straight hours, then no. Come on Stebu (my personal nickname for him), Hasn't the logic of always consulting Google for the feasibility of travel times and journeys ingrained itself into modern life yet? Although, I will admit, that I messed up a bit in this respect with some of the planning for my later trip to Shikoku I took with Mel and Tom, so I don't want to be too much of a hypocrite. 

Anyway- after they had finally booked all their accommodation - and I will give Steve some credit, after he was convinced to stay in a certain area, he was very good at finding accommodation and filling in the rest of the gaps - the stressful part was over, they arrived, and I could finally relax and have fun. And fun we had.

Some of the stuff we did:

Yamanakako, Yamanashi: All-day-hiking - no-one around, perfect view of Mount Fuji beaming over the lake. We followed a hiking path I found online (no English) and it took us a while to find the starting point (at which point I was getting a little stressed that maybe we wouldn't be able to), but did, and hiked over a range of 3 mountains over the course of around 4 hours (start to end) and finished with a relaxing onsen and ryokan experience in the evening. It was a pretty perfect day.

Tokyo

Steve and Alex spent a lot of time shopping. Matt couldn't get over how much Alex dresses like a Japanese woman. Proof:

 They were very lucky with their timing in Japan because the cherry blossom was in full bloom and everything looked beautiful. We met up with Joe and walked alongside the river in Nakameguro, enjoying the sakura matsuri:

Unfortunately the view of the cherry blossom canopying over the river is blocked by these three foreigners.

I also took them to Shimokitazawa to try on loads of vintage stuff, and I took them to my favourite restaurant there: Madoshi, the avocado restaurant - my memory tells me they like it, but I don't remember. Those avocado dishes with their soft green texture and perfect tasting sauces conquer my memories - who I was with and what we talked about becomes a muted background to the food. 

We also strolled through Daikanyama and went to the fancy cafe upstairs in Tsutaya for a glass of whisky:

On the last day, we walked around Asakusa and then took a boat down to Odaiba. We stopped off at Sumida park (which embarrassingly I had never even heard of), which I found to be a perfect example of a Japanese garden - of which Steve was captured by - with its perfectly tended greenery, no leaf out of place, wooden footbridges arched over ponds and Japanese tea houses dotted around. I don't think this picture I took captures this well, but it's all I can find for now:

x

We ended the trip at Odaiba Onsen Monogatari. What can only be described as an onsen theme park. It was awesome:

Outdoor footspa

pondering

Look at us in our matching outifts

deciding on where to get food, and looking like a bossss

In the end, they had a good time and that makes me happy :-)

fukuoka nights

Hi we're here in Fukuoka and I had this nostalgic whiff of how important memories and stories are and remembered that when I write about things here at the time it actually happens then I remember it way way better in the long term, and it actually becomes a part of my extended life experience and slots into my rack of memories and not just a throw-away occasion.

This is because we met with Kyle tonight and he's a beautiful hilarious man. We reminisced and went over so many good times, and things that have happened. I wish my time in Ibaraki had overlapped with his more but it didn't.

Matt's keyboard is driving me nuts.

 We were only here for a day and a half - but I get it. Fukuoka is awesome - the food is the shit and the place is chill to it. It has a beach, what more could you want really?. Matome, since we found a place selling Blue Seal, it pretty much includes everything I like in Japan. Well done sir. I really hope I don't spend my whole time back in the UK complaining about how much better things are here in Japan.
 You get one life... and that overwhelms me with indecisiveness, and then I can't make a decision with anything and ultimately choose nothing and get left with blankness and a lack of direction. I want to keep studying Japanese. I want to keep reading it and I want to do a Phd. In what subject - what the hell does it matter? The more irrelevant to a real job, the better I say!

We had an awesome day and I don't want this part of my life to be over - but at the same time, its the short-term-ness that makes it special - knowing things are about to drastically change and that we're about to start a completely different life in a new place which gives it an elevated sense of special.

I caught a small baby turtle at a matsuri about 4 summers ago. I learnt tonight that it has been passed along through various ALT's in Ibaraki. I couldn't believe Kyle knew about it, but had no idea I was the person who had originally won the thing at a martsuri market. I wonder what its called and who is looking after it.

I forgot. I had almost completely forgotten. It's great when you remember these things. 

Here's something new:
 

Wedding suprise!

We invited our friends to Yoyogi park to have a picnic engagement party. There we surprised them, by throwing the actual wedding ceremony. We had gotten married in the city hall at Bunkyo the day before.

We were incredibly lucky as the cherry blossom in Yoyogi park was popping on the day of the wedding, and the atmosphere was wonderful. Some of my friends are annoyed that we made it a surprise, because they missed the event, but I didn't want people to dress up - I wanted it to be easy going and it was perfect. It was spontaneous, clumsy, alive and unique. I was lucky enough to have two of my cousins there. Jason came down from Sendai for the occasion, and my cousin Suzannah happened to be in Tokyo on holiday. She really made the day special and was a complete delight to see. Not to mention she brought some delicious champagne which put me in the perfect celebratory mood.

The ceremony was hosted by Josh and Chris, with a lot of help from Ayumi, JJ and Joelle. I had written out a script for them, and it ran more-or-less smoothly. The event was filmed on Facebook live so Matt's family could see it in Brazil, with our Portuguese friend Hugo translating live. This meant I have been able to watch back over the video, and it makes me cry every time.

After the ceremony, we partied in the park, we kept drinking and had loads of fun.

It was a stressful few days leading up to the wedding. My family had decided to fly over for the occasion, well, my parents and Joe - because Chez had to work. Luckily I had finished my job a week beforehand, so there was a little less pressure for time. It was all a bit intense as my brother hadn't actually met Matt before, so was feeling skeptical of the quick decision. Needless to say, he didn't give Matt the easiest time - but in the end I think they were able to see eye to eye.

My brother ended up sticking around Japan for 3 weeks, so I think he was able to get to know Matt a little better, I am hoping he feels happier about the situation. I am really looking forward to moving back, so that my family and friends can get to know Matt, it's been a really important factor for me.

I feel really good about it though. Marrying Matt has made me feel like the part of my life where I was focused on searching for love is finally over, and now I can devote myself to other things, with the security and happiness of a stable and wonderful relationship. Spending my late-teenage years and my early twenties thinking about boys and dating, and wondering if I'll ever find the one was a fun time, but I was way too consumed with it. I'd like my life to be more than that. I think I was able to marry Matt quite fast, because after all that time focused on pursuing love, I knew exactly what I was looking for, and could recognize it on a deep level. I was lucky enough to find it.

I love Matt so much, and I love spending every day with him laughing, learning and overcoming the challenges of life. We've now been married two months, and I'm slowly getting used to having him as my husband. It's an all-round beautiful thing.

Karaoke after-party

So far

This year so far...

I will say that since leaving my job, I've never been so busy.

Got engaged.
Work leaving party.
Apply for fellowship
Quit job.
Fellowship application refusal.
Got married.
Family here.
Exceptional talent visa application.
Throw dinner party.
Niijima.
Moving out.
Preparing for N2.
Selling everything.
Sorting through everything.
Friends visit.
More friends visit.
Booking flights to London.
Booking flights to Atlanta.
Making post cards to send to friends.
Falling into YouTube holes.
Dodgeball tournament.
Organise trip to Shikoku.
Hula hooping.
Sending postcards.
Getting the visa.
Submitting passport.
Immigration office.
Sony VIP headquarters tour.
Arrange temporary accommodation at friends.

... we're somehow pulling it off. Stay tuned.

Stamps

Today i got an allergic reaction from licking 7 stamps.

My neck, chest and arms went red and were covered in tiny bumps. Itchy ouchy.

There was also an incident with some flies on the balcony. I won't go into it... but let's just say I had to be a hero.

Matt infiltrated the book I'm reading. He offered to read me my book to help me sleep one night ... he got into it, and now I'm not allowed to continue reading it unless he's there. The book is Tokyo Vice.

I'm on a train and this sleeping guy next to me is way too close.