Friday, 28 March 2014

My family in japan

Last night I went to two leaving parties in Mito. The first was a dinner party for a certain Page Corgan, the second was a drinking party at the Drunken Duck for a very sweet Scottish guy called Chris Baird. It makes me feel the need to cringe when I know I'm about to write something mushy, but when I'm sleep deprived enough, I am able to enjoy a certain type of clarity.

Something I realised last night. Watching people who have enjoyed and made the most of their time here, saying goodbye to a large group of friends, many of whom they may never get a chance to see again, is moving. It just is. You would need to have a heart of stone not to appreciate that. It can be very upsetting, saying goodbye is a sad thing to do. But in a way, I felt envious. It's difficult to accept when the time is right to move on from a place like this. Life here can be comfortable - maybe too comfortable. It is also incredibly enjoyable and interesting. Moving on is hard, but it is inevitable in one form or another. I fear how much I know I'm going to eventually miss it here when I have faced the inevitability of leaving, but I also know I will be proud of myself for doing so. Or, you know, maybe I'll hate myself forever for not having the guts to stay. Who knows?

But actually I don't think I can bear staying here too long - as the longer you stay the more people you see come and go. I get too attached to people to be able to deal with that. How many people in my life will I miss over the years of moving around, making new friends and moving on? Everytime I make a life-change I have to go through this ordeal. New university, new class, new course, new job, new city, new place to call home. Missing people from various points in life weighs me down. Keeping in touch is hard work and its depressing to think that many great friendships will get lost in time, or might just amount to a long series of "I miss you" emails.

After the leaving dinner for Cage:

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