I'm on a Brazilian-shaped deviation.
Just when my hobbies were all lined up and I was being abnormally proactive and on-track, it happened... I fell into a hole.
I can somehow detect these occurrences before they happen, yet despite all the foresight and tendencies towards self-fulfilling prophecies, I cannot overcome the inevitable.
On a more administrative note (here's the fill-in)...more friends have left Tokyo: Allie and Andrew :-( ...but, I know I'll see them again as they're both Europe-bound. Saying goodbye to friends is part of the cycle of expat life. I've become so familiar with it.. that I'm worried it's making me icy. Why invest into relationships with those around you when they are coated with a superficial sense of temporarily?
I celebrated my birthday last month, and it helped me to remember me how lucky I am to be here and to have always found excellent friends to surround myself with.
Tokyo will forever provide an array of live music options, underground scenes and other sub-cultures to explore. But when I trip up and get caught in a loop, novelties wear thin.
On Saturday night I re-visited Hatagaya's Club Heavy Sick. Although it had been almost an entire year since my last visit, it felt like entering a deja-vous. Same bands, same people, same ripped up leather jackets and the smell of cigarettes and damp basement in my clothes and hair.
Even having spread myself over more than one scene... nights out start to copy one another.
It's not only about the nightlife. In fact, that's only a small part of things. There are other dramas and issues bubbling below the surface. I need a change, and I wonder what form it will take. I get restless when things start to feel old hat. I don't like who I am without enthusiasm.
I need to break out of this sense of complacency, rejuvenate and find new sources of inspiration for creative ventures and decisions.
An advert for a hair salon in Hatagaya station: