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Thursday, 11 February 2016

The power of goodbye

Moving to tokyo had been my dream for a long time and I'm really glad that I did it.

I came here with a lot of positive energy in September and was lucky to find myself in an instantly great situation.

I got a good job which has calmed a lot of anxiety I had about my ability to start a career. Of course I don't know how well I may or may not be doing, and I'm not sure where this will take me, but I'm glad I found something stable and interesting outside the field of English-language teaching for the time being. Also, I had a few friends in Tokyo and a good sense of the city already, so it wasn't daunting.

But somehow things don't feel right.

There is a true pain which comes when your friends leave. This is something I have been experiencing slowly the entire time I've been here which, when it hits you enough times, can make Japan seem like more and more of a transient place. This leads me to question my decision to continue sticking around.

At first when good friends started leaving, I was sad to see them go, but felt that I wasn't affected so greatly. Now, after saying goodbye so many times, I'm starting to feel really saddened by it.

The last few weeks, I've felt nostalgic, lonely and lost.

What's the point of forming such great friendships with people you are unlikely to see again after they leave Japan?
A naturally pessimistic question. Almost as relevant as "what's the point of it all anyway?".

This is just a phase. I know. I have been homesick before and I can get over it again. How much longer will I be in Japan? I'm not sure, but something tells me I won't be here forever.

Special mention to the big goodbyes:
Hana
Dyar
Cage
Tiffani
Riley
Elle
Jelle
Daleth*
Vince*
JJ*

*leaving in the next few weeks. I'm already feeling it.

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