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Thursday, 5 November 2015

Blending in

There's been a few times in my life where I've moved to a new place. It always comes after a big decision, a lot of anxiety and a fair amount of planning.

I've been here for almost two months now and it still doesn't really feel as though I live here. Moving to Tokyo was something I wanted for so long, and now that I'm finally here, I feel quite deflated.

It takes a lot of time, and a lot to happen in order to really feel established somewhere. Each time I move to a new place, I have to go through the same processes. Working out a new routine, a new way to get around, where to go and what to do. Will I take on any new hobbies here? Who will I be friends with? When you move to a small place, there are fewer choices so it becomes much easier to figure these things out. You can just go with the flow, see what happens. I'm learning that in a big city, it’s not so easy.

Tokyo is a place in which it’s so easy to be lonely, get lost, feel like a nobody and achieve very little, I'm realising how much of a challenge it really is. After feeling so secure in myself and who am I, being a new person in a city of this scale means that it is not only hard to establish yourself, but you can quickly loose comfort in your sense of identity.

I am aware that I am just going through a common process. These feelings are something I have experienced before and recognise. I felt this way when I moved to Bristol at 22, to Ibaraki at 24 and now, to Tokyo at 26. In each case, I made the most of my situation and turned them into places I was able to consider a true home, with true friends and a strong sense of familiarity.
I don't doubt my ability to do it all again, I am just feeling a little drained. Perhaps there are only so many times in my life I can pack up and move on somewhere new. I am worried that before my real career has even begun, I have lost a lot of the enthusiasm and energy I had for it. I had a nice job and a great group of friends in Ibaraki. Although I hope I can have the same again in Tokyo, I sometimes don't feel like being responsible for making it happen.

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